let the river run.

so things have more or less simmered to a state of general blah. i suppose if you can't fix it then let it fix itself.

after a week of wallowing in some despondent funk i realise it isn't worth the emotional energy to drag the rest of the people around you, including family and colleagues. yes i realise since i turned 40 i've confided less in friends. this must be me in new states of shruggish resignation that problems no longer need slugging out but letting them dissolve into obscurity.

anyway everyone at work has been rallying around my setback, from the principal to soks to ocm to the ones around me. i've been getting nice baked goods and chox and treats which i really feel are unwarranted. but well, divine forces are keeping me from throwing in the towel. besides how it must look if i quit now. it's like i can't handle the very adversity i teach my kids and students to. it's hypocritical to say the least

on a lighter note, it's our anniversary this week. yes that one fumbling proposal which is best summed up here haha. sometimes i think she takes better care of the kids, or at least her efforts are shaming. case in the point, i'd just throw somethings together from the fridge but she'd spend the day prepping their dinner

i muse at why i'm a mom. other than the minister of finance and recreation, i can't really see how else my role extends. so i suppose divine providence is much evidenced when a partner is sent to you to balance out the shortcomings. i do appreciate everything that you are, baby!

our pendants which she said she'd take the lower half coz it looks like a bad word haha. hrm

and  baby's anniv gift, which at this rate of one per year i'd have a lifetime collection for my onitsuka museum! <33333333

and my super clean peds thanx to baby's tatitai treat today. i think this is the cleanest since birth hahah