time and tide

it's been fitful sleeping these days, not because of anxiety but mostly the insufferable swelter. that and a restless or should i say listlessness at work. i feel a little voice tell me that this is probably the last lap at this college because it's really been the longest i've been anywhere. my track record of 6 years at hwa chong has been broken already and i'm one with commitment issues at work.

anyway i think baby has been brought to my life at a timely turning-point. she arrived just shy of my flying to nepal on a one-way trip, she restored my faith in love, nourished me to a chubby bliss and embraced all of my three kids without prejudice. i still recall that first meeting with the shrubs (the pooch was easy coz lexi is a slut), the awkwardness i saw in ducky's expression, the PR-savvy of bunny and well me just over-processing what i observed. she remained unhinged, being her brazen self, sharing what she felt was part of her honest life. i admit moments i cringed at potential mine-fields but again, that was my paranoid inclinations speaking.


one of many wonderful things she cooks and often packs in my fridge for the week

then months passed and with each family dinner, most of which she took pains to cook and prep at her abode, letting them into her life seamlessly, and then the family trip to taiwan where she extended both her heart and finances to sponsor all of us, opening her quintessential elements to them (they mentioned how stunned they were when she cried at the cow farm but i think in a good way, coz they saw her humanity).

a year later and i can see how she is so much a part of my life there are moments i chide myself for being less maternal or kitchen savvy (or clean haha). she's all that, consistent, reliable, and a heart blessed with divine gold. i'm thankful, no deeply gratified for the way things fall into place. with her i can see substantial change, not false hope or promise. and with her our family has evolved into a unit of love and acceptance. that's more than i could expect in a lifetime.

and how absolutely endearing to see our elder daughter coming out of her shell, and bantering so comfortably with the mrs. and i love how comfy they are hanging out girl-time style sans moi

 she truly spoils us. she made this only coz jo mentioned that they may not get their hands on the eclairs at the school function they're involved in on saturday. so <3