whatever will be

This month has been rather uneventful save for being a season of broken. haha it's less tragic than it sounds other than a broken tooth, a broken door handle after a punctured tyre.
So most people would sigh and resign themselves to the mild inconvenience but i initially factored in the exorbitant costs of the abovementioned situations. yes, it's not really a crisis unless you work yourself up to think it is.

And given the upcoming expenses of vacations and wedding it would seem like a bugbear to say the least. but i've decided a lot of how we deal with these hiccups has to do with how we perceive them. because much as we fret over them, nothing will change the outcome. we shouldn't give our joy away to any of it.

I was raised to believe that everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately it was also in an environment of guilt and regret. Or worse, the misguided notion of retribution which i believe was a construct of very unhappy people. So it took me years of self-reprogramming to see, and believe, that this is certainly a fallacy. Much of what we do is often a result of choice. And it is the consequences of these choices which bring the next round situation. For example, by not taking better care of my teeth, by dodging that one appointment of a follow-up root-canal which at the time i rationalised was pointless and costly for something so painful has resulted in a larger issue of fracture and reconstruction. If taking better care when making turns, a tyre would not pop. If maintaining the external care of a car, the handle falls off. It's as easy as that. And getting upset is merely unproductive and energy-sapping.

Instead, I have learned to accept these consequences and with some comforting strength and supplication for help from the man upstairs, it makes everything a little more bearable and in time, surmountable. That is the sum total of my faith in God and I can't explain it in any other way. It has served as personal solace and pieced so many fragments of my life to who i've become.

It saddens me when no one grasps this nor try to accept that i can't have my faith live out in any sort of dramatic or life-changing fashion because these moments are in their miraculous nature meant to manisfest in spurts -- like a child at near-death, a close shave with calamity, an amazing outcome of unfathomable favour. We don't need to have this everyday because that to me is beauty. it is there but not overtly displayed or expected.

Perhaps some day we can all just smile in each other's way of grasping the higher order of things rather than to impose or expect more. it just is. let them be.