hindsight

It's been a good month so far.kids adapting to the changes. Duckie doing well at jer os. Bunmy copimg well with the commute and early long days. I have two steady assignments. Sorting out my bills n loans. And i cant be cLmer despite long work days..iys all eight. Keeping busy and looking forward.it was meant to be. Esp w the kids.repqiring and atarting over. I wouldnt have time for anyrhing or anyone else.no spare energy for that. My focus for my remaining time is clear. Its all.good

what is most heartening that i survived the rough patches of last year. i have more strength than i give myself credit for. or perhaps i've trained myself to let go of things i can't change. from here on i do want to avoid emotional entanglements because they are the greatest source of distress and suffering. yesterday in class i found myself addressing a 'what is love' question and i was really stumped. yes, no smartass rejoinder for once. all i could say was, you know what, after nearly 30 years of dating maybe 15 people of both genders, i haven't a clue between love and loving to be loved. i might have really lost that plot at some point because other than my own family i've never really selflessly given my heart to anyone so completely. at most it was a devotion based on habit or obligation. one student left class exclaiming, omg i'm so screwed. i don't know if i love my girlfriend or i love to control and possess her. haha told him not to think too much or he will be brain-damaged. days like these i think reading literature can have severe ramifications on one's simplest instincts to love. we make the entire thing too cerebral and end up fucking up every relationship with the dumbest question like, what is love? perhaps the best i could offer at the end of the day is, if you have to think about love, you're probably not in love.