they ground me

I have e best kids.in the universe.jo is kind.jil.is.tough.n they complement each other. Watching them like this makes life worth living.i know my days are made meaningful n comforting just from.their presence.even if we have so much to do.at the end of the day just having them im my life is all that matters.everything else is moot.

jo's been adjusting in college with a motley of activities, some of which she doesn't care for haha. she has my cynical trait i suppose. she's probably put her talents to use in the visual arts club. these are a sample oif her amazing drawings from her o levels i just had to furtively post on fb haha.proud and shameless mommy moments

jil's been busy in school with prefectorial duties and debates competition. i can see how tired but dedicated she is. i just hope she doesn't burn out

and a lil tribute to them

hindsight

It's been a good month so far.kids adapting to the changes. Duckie doing well at jer os. Bunmy copimg well with the commute and early long days. I have two steady assignments. Sorting out my bills n loans. And i cant be cLmer despite long work days..iys all eight. Keeping busy and looking forward.it was meant to be. Esp w the kids.repqiring and atarting over. I wouldnt have time for anyrhing or anyone else.no spare energy for that. My focus for my remaining time is clear. Its all.good

what is most heartening that i survived the rough patches of last year. i have more strength than i give myself credit for. or perhaps i've trained myself to let go of things i can't change. from here on i do want to avoid emotional entanglements because they are the greatest source of distress and suffering. yesterday in class i found myself addressing a 'what is love' question and i was really stumped. yes, no smartass rejoinder for once. all i could say was, you know what, after nearly 30 years of dating maybe 15 people of both genders, i haven't a clue between love and loving to be loved. i might have really lost that plot at some point because other than my own family i've never really selflessly given my heart to anyone so completely. at most it was a devotion based on habit or obligation. one student left class exclaiming, omg i'm so screwed. i don't know if i love my girlfriend or i love to control and possess her. haha told him not to think too much or he will be brain-damaged. days like these i think reading literature can have severe ramifications on one's simplest instincts to love. we make the entire thing too cerebral and end up fucking up every relationship with the dumbest question like, what is love? perhaps the best i could offer at the end of the day is, if you have to think about love, you're probably not in love.

showers of blessings

this has been a good week so far.
duckie's o results turned out roses and although it's not aces all around she is content. bunny showed unexpected empathy by tearing.i guess she was overcome with relief and pride.it was a rare moment but it assured me how deeply their ties are despite the constant ribbing. they are beautiful kids.

i'm just moved by their closeness.i know they are mutually solid and it assures me how things will be awesome between them always. i am blessed and i'm glad to share these moments with them. they are my best gifts for 2014

and so we begin

the year has been productive and mostly calm. work has it's perks and stresses but i've learned to shake these things off pretty well. end of the day, i tell myself that i'm heading towards a retirement of absolute bliss so what's the point of being fixated on what must be done and by when. it's done when it's done haha

kids have adapted rather well, esp bunny who has been commuting long and early hours. she's truly a gold star. duckie is getting anxious about her results which i guess is expected but she needs to be less critical of herself. it pains me to see her putting so much on her abilities that she actually feels ashamed about not having a real job. i'm like hello? at her age had i the freedom i'd be tanning my ass off at the beach and slacking. but i guess it's a new world order.

i just hope whatever the outcome it will be about her security and happiness and no one else' god knows i've seen too many students crash and burn trying to fulfill parental obligations

lovely end to the year

kids were absolute troopers and made the best travel companions. no worries, smooth sailing immigration and customs, save for that one missed driver but we had a scenic route taking the train to the hotel.
best part was enjoying them while they enjoyed themselves. and listening to them breathe in slumber despite the wretched cold. this tops everything for the year and i'm so glad i invested in making good memories.
that's all i need on my own final journey.

for jo

yuletide blessings

so much as i'm glad and relieved the year is ending, i'm mostly grateful for how it turned out. the kids moving back have been a highlight.they are so grown up and amazing.today jo surprised me after doing groceries and returned home making some goodies for all. spontaneous and generous. her sister is adapting to many changes and has shown such a positive attitude about it, taking the bus deliberately from school so she could time herself for her daily routines and manage them better. and today, jill handled her ailment at the polyclinic all by herself. i'm so damn proud of her. all these initiatives are really affirming of well-adjusted teens.it warms and assures me that they will be ok,they will thrive and take care of each other.it's all i need to leave with.

they make me whole and complete