today i was chewing something in between a pizza pocket and rubber. one of those pms-induced junkie days where your food choices are irrational and you'd subject yourself to the unpalatable. what i did appreciate though was that i could try to tear through the morsel with my incisors, without so much the pain or discomfort after that ordeal almost a year ago.
last week while heading home a student ran up eagerly and persuaded me to make my way to the blood-donation truck. all i could tell her short of sounding like a wuss was, it's ok it was an unpleasant experience so i'll pass. she looked apologetic yet embarrassed for my overshare. a simple no thanks would've suffice, i can imagine haha
but yup my fear of donating blood remains even if the reason for my fainting injury was probably caused by bad nutrition and wacky sleep cycles. yet it doesn't escape me how i've come to heal from it after too many root canal surgeries and lip ointment to recount. the scar on the lowerlip is still bumpy but otherwise not bothersome and the 8 incisors are somewhat odd, with the occasional dull pain when imbibing something cold or rough-textured. i'm glad though for the ability to smile unself-consciously which i recall was an issue during assorted photoshoots last year. i kept thinking i had godzilla teeth and a prize-fighter's lips.
so well it's all good face-wise and perhaps in time i will overcome that fear of blackouts, which i think is more about the fear of falling. that moment when you feel your physical body beyond your control and watch yourself crumble heavily into asphalt with that dread of permanent scar or injury. i know that i don't want to languish in those elderly years where that is the sole concern of your day. i have decided a good time i would go would be 45-50. when the kids would be well into uni or work and very much self-sufficient. my duties would be fulfilled and i would only really need to get by on some good food, a spanking convertible and a retirement plan ample to provide for all who matter, and of course a decent legacy when i do pass on.
it's really that simple. god knows we've made life more complicated than it deserves.
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