today i finally deleted all traces of us on fb. it had to be done eventually. a catharsis. and hopefully a giant step towards healing and moving on.
watched this heart-wrenching film. Perks of being a wallflower
it really spoke to me in the way only a writer knows how. the raw honesty and self-awareness is what i've always strove to achieve all my life.
i remember being introspective at 10. things were moving so fast. changes i started to notice, internalise and to some extent began my path of self-destruction.
i spent the decades trying to reconstruct every painful moment, to over compensate for whatever pitfalls and disappointments.
till this very day i think i've yet to comprehend trust. and learn to completely give my heart to anyone.
that may be the very reason for so many transient relationships, including friendships. i don't think i've ever learned to give myself completely to anyone besides my kids.
and so i've come to learn that the present solitude is merely reliving that moment. to retreat from any human connection. it's not a bad thing given i've come to see the wisdom of buddhist principles. they are the only thing which make sense in such flux around me. i m learning to mindfully focus on the present moments and ride each one out. this is the only way to reach my final state free of everything in heart, mind and soul.
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