in his time he makes all things beautiful (ecclesiastes 3:11)

so for some compelling reason i rummaged this out from storage today and looking at the time-stamp it's been almost a decade since

i recall that year was a tumultous one at home -- we had filed for separation but not to upset the kids we stayed in the same home so that we could gradually break it to them. as i watched my taciturn and painfully shy 5yo first-born take the stage for the first time in her life (while recovering a nasty case of chicken pox), i recall how tears fell freely for so many reasons. the inexplicable pride mixed with the sadness of how i may break her fragile heart, and the regret of being then in a relationship with another who made me feel so conflicted internally about loving my children so jealously which made her feel alienated and resentful.

and cut ten years later i look at her with jo and it's something short of a miracle.

because here is a partner who not only loves me so completely, she loves them without prejudice,with a maternal fierceness which moves me. and jo is likewise adapting so well to our relationship. and here she is, from a 5 y.o runt to a lanky 15y.o to be. it doesn't escape me how beautiful he has made our lives, shaped by experiences of both joy and pain. but in the end, always beautiful.