triggers.

i've always been born with an acutely sensitive nose. i recall how as a child i would steer away from peers who had a strange or unsettling stench.it could be their breath, body odour or even some shampoo they were using.conversely it could be the pleasant smells of a person which draws me to them, some strange attraction of phrenomes or muskiness. perfumes to me are artifices of this and seldom do the trick.

likewse, my memories are unfortunately also controlled by scents. i recall that unpleasant funk when that stranger took liberties to molest me in a book store when i was 13. or when my car broke down on the way to work and the burnt rubber smell always makes me think of a crisis looming, possibly wth pyro-potential disaster.

eversince i walked into that hospital that saturday morning, i've found that smell v nauseating n unsettling.it smelt of death disguised by medicine, the same smell which i recall sitting in the dentist's chair for 5hrs with 8 teeth askew last august. it's horrible...that smell carries on my clothes.it's not even like dettol which is comforting.it's some indescribly sick sweet mixed with chemicals.

anyway laely i've been grappling with an irratonal fear well more like, aversion to doctors, the waiting rooms to be exact. just walking past a clinic i instinctively hold my breath.  i think it has a lot to do with the recent passing of my mom.

and last night in some drug-induced sleep, well antihistamines more like, i dreamt i was woken by my kids who were asking me what time it was, i couldn't be sure because i glanced around and all my watches were telling different times. i looked at the ceiling and it had some magnetic force which held up assorted jewelery and watches, including baby's tiffany's bracelet. so i walked out of the room to find my mom sleeping in the next one with the ceiling leaking but she wasn't aware. i woke her and ran to the kitchen to fetch a pail. when  returned i saw an entire tidal wave heading through her room window. i yell 'tsunami'  and we ran for cover under some tiny ikea cheap square table like that would help  only to find the entire room gushing with water. woke up completely baffled. maybe i'll look into this later hahah.ok off to class