live the moment as a gift because it is the present

at the risk of that cliche i  still affirm that much in its adage of truth. we don't see how things change until we have something to hold it up against.

at this very moment as the bracing wind blows through the window, i recall how in 2011, that was a chilling wind which provided no solace but added to an anger and discomfort in my bones. she had come over, we were in much disarray, at that very crossroad of painful but necessary choices. she held me sobbing and said, i love you but we can't be together. that haunting sentence flatlined my heart and i recall after she left i walked her halfway and then turned into the blank evening completely dumbfounded, purchasing two packs of ciggies n chainsmoking till dawn lying flat on the cold floor of my bedroom, in a daze, while we texted empty platitudes and cliches on how it felt like the coldest day on earth.

at this very moment in 2012 i recall how baby and i walked that cold evening with kat down scotts road in search of grub and ended at the maccies where she spoke wearing her heart completely on her sleeves, disclosing painful memories of her heartbreaks, her sincerity and forgiveness, she wasn't that shallow person i thought she was. she gave me a farewell hug which felt strangely familiar, like home. i copped a feel. it was possibly from the moment, my hormones, or a deep place of loneliness.  all i knew was that strange flashforward. an intuitive feeling that this could be us. holding like this in the near future. it wasn't wishful thinking because i was never planning to stay in this country. i didn't think i would for anyone at least.

this evening at this very moment in 2013, we've traversed much in our personal journeys alone, as a couple, as a family. she's mellowed, become more at peace with her spiritual walk, adapted to me as a partner, embraced all the challenges of my circumstances. we feel a closeness which transcends time, one held by divine affirmation, a loyalty and trust i instantly turn to when the flux of everything seems insurmountable. as we embraced on this chilly evening once again, my heart races and then slows into a pace of harmonious calm. the kind you feel returning home, safe and secure. she is my elm, and my shrubs are naturally in her shelter too.

in a span of three years, i can see how that divinity shapes our ends. it makes me sigh with a deeper understanding of my existence, and it makes me smile with a clarity of things to come.

 

I love you, Gordon Wood