happy 6th

it's exactly 6 years since i moved into my cozy little space.it's what i count as one of my most privately gratifying achievements in my entire life, mostly because of how much i grew from the entire experience.

many take their housing for granted because it's a given. they've lived there all their lives or it was a cinch getting one through marriage. that would sum up my circumstances for the first 38 years of my life. then for the first time in my life i found myself grappling with these challenges completely on my own, with little savings and a dismal cpf balance having taken unpaid childcare leave for the past 8 years. it was a herculean task just to get the banks and hdb to even get through the red-tape. i was earning an unstable income as a relief teacher, pending divorce and having two small children, and had maxed out my eligibility for housing grants being a third-time buyer of public housing. so i was not the best candidate for any financial assistance, and no i wasn't about to resort to handouts.

so it was really by the grace of loved ones, namely my kid sis who was my guarantor, the kindness of my ex-spouse who was willing to loan my a decent amount for the downpayment and really the compassion of strangers like that loans officer who went out on a limb to work around my unusual circumstances. of course timing played a great part because the housing market was favourable and well, if i even attempted what i did now i would be living in a tent.

anyway, i look back with gratitude and amazement. i still recall the sweat and tears of just getting through the paperwork, logistics, moving anxiety, all that stress culminated to insomnia and gastric pains. and i wasn't even dealing with the emotional upheavals to my kids and self yet. that's a story for another day.

but i know i couldn't have done it with so many angels in my life: my besties, my third ex-gf who did everything from babysitter to transport to heavy-lifting. yes, if you're somehow reading this, i am eternally grateful for your heart of gold, S. and of course the kiddies who made that first day of moving in the most magical experience from my perspective at least. watching them coo and giggle at their new home, opening doors, cupboards, even the fridge in their artless awe was from my side the only validation i needed that everything was going to be OK. we were on the brink of a new beginning and looking at them now, i think our home would someday count as more than just walls and furnishing. it was a season of change, but also a season of love.