strange night

so in attempt to cheer the morose kat up after receiving really depressing texts from her all friday, i decided to ask her out to a grrl-party i normally wouldn't endorse.but i guess she really needed to get out to help her out of her funk.anyway when we got there it was the usual trolls and cliches and we decided to only stay for a drink or two.i told her coming to these things would help renew her self-esteem when looking at these sad sods would make her feel better about herself. we had a blast laughing at these wanna-bes and it only confirmed what a pathetic community we have.she told me to join her at hk or taiwan where she claims the girls are way hotter and friendlier.

anyway, before we entered i bumped into her and was really surprised she'd go to these things, seeing how she wasn't a fan of it when were together.i guess her new self has indeed degenerated into common behaviour and sadly, as kat pointed out, she looks nothing like her former self, i believe she said in chinese, bear-like hahahah and added, omg viv, this confirms that she doesn't deserve you. as for me i hardly noticed her because besides having let herself go, i felt strangley indifferent.i would usually be warm to people i haven't seen in awhile, but she really didn't have any effect on me. i could only attempt a cordial PR type response to her not because i willed it but i just didn't feel it was worth the energy or time to catch up. besides i was there to be kat's wingman so the last thing i wanted was to chat, esp this being a noisy club.

i guess it's ironic that yst was more or less exactly a year since we broke up. i marvel at how far i've come in healing and change. i recall most of the early half of '11 feeling completely lost and confused, swinging in between grief and anger. and here i am, looking her in the eyes and thinking, who are you? i hardly recognised you. and truth be told if we had passed each other on the street i wouldn't even have noticed her. i guess she really is dead to me, not in any malice, but she has become one of these faceless peeps who bear no significance in your social circles. perhaps the impossibility of being  friends with your ex-s isn't a myth after all.

i'm just amazed by how a year can make such a difference. i told kat sometimes it's like jet-lag, you may need the same time you were together to get over someone but i think in my case they year spent mindfully working on focusing on other significant things, allowing myself to see the beauty of everything nature has to offer, embracing my suffering and transcending it have all added up to this one moment of inner peace. i can almost clearly and absolutely say that i have certainly moved on. and it is a feeling of calm and liberation.

---
Isn't it puzzling how

strangers become lovers

and then strangers again?

Isn't it bizarre how

you share a bed one day

and oblivion another?

Isn't it baffling how

people can wear the iron mask

of perfect pretense?

Humanity

intrigues

terrifies

fascinates.