so last night in a possible beer-induced sentiment, i told her what i really felt.that i regretted throwing the r/s away and wanted to work on starting over, being my most honest and raw about how i felt.no more walls,no more pretences of caring when it was really about getting back.
of course in life this would be a forgone conclusion, unlike the inane onscreen romances. she put out a whole list of reasons why we need to work on ourselves, like there is a timeline of self-improvement so unrealistic i wanted to yell in exasperation. two people only need to love each other enough to work a compromise of acceptance, not go through some long-drawn journey of changing your values and inherent character. this is messed up. if we had to do this for every r/s we wld end up seriously bi-polar. A meets B, they fall in love, they are very different but they love each other anyway. isn't that a fucking simple equation?
so i crashed in the middle of this back-and-forth because i was so physically n mentally drained. by this morning clarity hit me. this has become ridiculous. plain and simple, i just want to start over, not by changing my default self, but by adjusting to her needs. she on the other hand awaits a miracle that i will become her ideal mate who believes in the same things she does. so it has become so obvious that love really isn't enough. something i subscribed to but apparently in our human realm its fucking bollocks.
so in sheer tiredness i have officially given up. love is love. it will fade in time, as it did many r/s before. we can't cling on to that last remnance of that love will see it through because unlike the inane onscreen romances which seldom develops the ever after, real-life r/s wakes up and sees that once again, love isn't fucking enough.
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