its strange seeing her nowadays.i feel a mix of sadness and calm.sad because we cant seem to erase the past but calm because at least now we can relate w/o the anger or edge.
i dont know how i feel at this point. i mean i want to just run back to her arms but i dont want to start a new cycle of need.it's like my cousin said i shouldn't confuse loneliness for missing. and i read an article which said its hard to move on when u still comm online. it perpetuates the harmony but also stunts the progress of being no longer in a r/s. its a weird limbo

i know i do enjoy my freedom and doing the things i cant when we were together. it helps me come back to myself. but that feeling of something missing hovers. i dont want it to so i try not to comm where possible, but shes always the first one it think abt when i want to share smth. maybe im not ready to completely let go.

i just want things to stay harmonious. we have that now more than ever before and i find that i can be with her without all the expectations. its like a good friendship but without the benefits or commitment. yet it pains me when she is possibly going out or talking with people who may want more from her. i dont know. i just want this stagnant feeling to go away. i dont sleep well too when that bugs me too much. i need sleep .i feel like a fucking zombie w a really bad headache.